Attention
by Princess of Ithilien
Summary: Drunken Merry and Pippin declare war over Ivy Bolger. Silly little thing of mine. COMPLETED.
1. Chapter One

A/N: Drunken Merry and Pippin compete for Ivy Bolger's attentions. Stupid little story, I was bored. Why is her name Ivy, you ask? I shrug at the question. I have no idea.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. Sad, isn't it?

"Another ale!" Pippin cried, downing his mug and holding it in the air. Merry screamed something, unknown to all the hobbits in the pub, and threw his mug in the air only to have it crashing down on his head. He looked around, dazed, as Pippin laughed at him.

Ivy Bolger shook her head of dark brown curls. "Will you two never grow up?" She asked them, smiling. She was a serene little thing, taking pleasure in normal hobbit things, particularly in gardening and eating.

Merry looked at her, one eye closed and the other open. "Never, Madam!" He shouted with a flourish, attempting to bow and hitting his head on the table. Pippin continued laughing, getting out of his seat, still holding his empty mug.

Ivy grinned at Merry as he howled, holding his head where a goose-egg bruise could now be seen. Pippin set down his mug and said, with a mock serious face, "Better call the Doctor, Merry. Or else put ale on it!" This of course made no sense whatsoever. Ivy looked at him curiously, brown eyes questioning.

Nearby, Frodo Baggins sat laughing with a few friends and Samwise Gamgee admired Rosie Cotton from a distance. "Look at you two. Drunk as ever. Wonder who will be taking you home this time?" Ivy laughed. Mostly, whenever these two Hobbits got drunk, somebody took them to Bag End, where Bilbo let them stay only because they were friends(and Pippin a distant relation) of Frodo's.

Promptly, Merry fell down and hit his head(on the opposite side) again, on the same table. Pippin shouted the same nonsense verse and Ivy laughed at them both.

Frodo came over then, and looked down at the two of them. "Seems you have some admirer's, Ivy," he said, smiling. Ivy rolled her eyes at the notion and looked at Pippin, and then Merry(who by this time had been deposited in a chair) both completely drunk.

"I doubt they have any idea of what is going on, Frodo. They shall be staying at Bag End..again." This roused the laughter of several nearby who had been watching the spectacle.

Merry was now downing another ale and Pippin looking around him curiously, as if everything he saw was bright purple.

The next morning saw a beautiful dawn, and after breakfast(and second breakfast) Ivy was out working in her garden. Merry and Pippin walked by, talking in low voices. Their drunken state the night before had not seemed to affect them at all. "Hello, lads! How are you this morning?" Ivy called, waving at them.

Unknown to our poor little Hobbit friend, once she had left the night before, Merry and Pippin had called war over her, each declaring to win her over in the end. This ranked at least in the Top 10 stupidest and most ridiculous things Merry and Pippin had ever decided on, but you must remember they were drunk.

Pippin rushed to gather a few flowers as Merry went up to her and presented a rosy red apple to her. "Much obliged, Mr. Brandybuck," Ivy said with a smile. Unruly Pippin came dashing up them, pushing Merry into a rosebush. He held forth a crumpled boquet of daisies.

Ivy looked at him curiously, but accepted the flowers, thanking him. Seeing her go back to her gardening, both Hobbits left, hurling insults at each other under their breath as they went on their way.

A/N: Just a silly little thing I decided to write. You might see more of it if I get bored. It does depend, however..


	2. Chapter Two

A/N: I write this chapter because of the one review I got. Usually when I write random stories like this on an impulse, I never get reviews, so I'm extremely surprised and happy!

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine. But I did create Ivy Bolger...So I own the name of a Hobbit...except, the name Bolger wasn't made by me and I didn't create the Hobbits. Umm...I'm just gonna shut up and get on with the story.

That night Ivy was back at the pub, chattering with several of her friends. Sam was-once again- admiring Rosie Cotton from afar and gulping at an ale.

The doors opened with a crash and Ivy turned as her friends pointed. Pippin was there, looking rather regal with the most ridiculous expression on his face. "I say we have a party!" He shouted. The whole pub was set in uproar, as a party(Which Pippin had been planning and preparing ever since giving Ivy the flowers that morning) was always welcome. Especially a party for no reason!

Ivy shrugged at her friends and rose, walking outside with her little group. As the crowd piled out of the pub and out to where the tents were(and an enormous amount of food, where Pippin found it I cannot say). She stepped off to the side of the path to walk there and avoid the crowds, and found a displeasing ditch full of mud.

Worse, she had just stepped in this displeasing ditch full of mud. Her face crinkled, though she didn't care much, though the cool mud did _not_ feel nice.

She was just about to step out when Merry popped out in front of her. "Wash your feet, m'lady?" The idea immediately popped into her head that Merry had filled the ditch with mud on purpose, as there had not been that much rain lately.

Not wanting to appear rude or snobbish, she accepted. Of course,Merry burned her feet(though they were Hobbit feet, and therefore protected themselves somewhat) by placing them in a tub(placed there at just the right time) of scalding hot water. She winced but said nothing.

Once her feet were mud-free and dry, she ran down to the festivities alone, wishing to get away from everybody, hoping that nothing else would happen. She had no idea as to what was going on with Merry and Pippin and found the whole premise a boyish war.

It grew worse as Pippin stood up on a barrel, so as to stand above everybody else. "This party, which forthwith has had no reason, is being given in honor of our own Ivy Bolger, may she live a long life!" This statement sounded nothing like Pippin and Ivy guessed he was trying very hard to do...something.

She rolled her eyes as people clapped, and several distant relations came up and said, "No idea it was your birthday, Ivy!" This annoyed her so much that she finally detatched herself from the crowd and took a seat on the ground by a tree.

Merry found her, much to her displeasure, as she had no want to be around anybody. She had had quite enough of this whole deal of impressing her. Ivy declined the plate of food offered to her and glared at him icily until he went away.

The party went on for hours and hours. The sound of laughter, singing, and the sight of folks dancing nearly made Ivy sick. She had no idea why, but probably because this whole party was supposedly being given in her honor.

She had a great desire to find Pippin and beat the tar out of him, which was not unusual for Ivy. She had always 'played with the young lads' as her mother put it, detested cooking and housework, and loved being out of doors, which was quite normal for any Hobbit.

She did see Pippin off to the side a while later, and went up to him. "Why?" She asked with a glare. Pippin, being quite drunk at this state, admitted the entire 'war' and had no knowledge of it. Drunk people rarely know what they are saying or who they are talking to. Its extremely sad.

Ivy soon began laughing at the spectacle of the two fighting over her. Her merry giggle could be heard once she began walking home, a merry noise in the quiet of night.

A/N: Not so good as the first one, that I know, but perhaps I shall write more. If I do, the next chapter will be better.


	3. Chapter Three

A/N: I've decided to give it one more chapter, though, I warn you, this chapter will most likely be very very VERY bad, but I had to give it some ending because it was just sitting there and bothering me...

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. If I did, I'd be dead.

The next week passed without incident, with Ivy lingering near her hole, rarely going past her gate, and often staying indoors just to avoid any interaction with neighbors or unwelcome visitors.

On Monday, she finally had been locked up in the comfortable, yet confining hole for too long and ventured forth, gladly breathing in the fresh morning air.

But soon she began to wish she hadn't, because too very loud voices-of two familiar hobbits-could be heard not 10 feet behind her.

(Okay, cutting in, just to let everybody know it is September, Frodo will be leaving soon, and Merry will be off in Buckland, and Pippin will be going with Frodo)

Indeed, Merry had already left for Buckland, and Pippin was talking with Frodo about their need for more food for the journey.

Frodo spotted her first. "Hello, Ivy," was the greeting she received before he walked on, and Pippin said nothing, just handed her the muffin he was about to eat and whispering something she didn't catch.

And that was the only goodbye she got. The "war" for Ivy Bolger was over, with neither hobbit coming out victorious, and Ivy lived a long and happy life, marrying some un-named hobbit and having 7 children, and we all know how Merry and Pippin ended up.

The End.

A/N: I know that was really bad, but like I said, it needed an ending of some sort, so here it is.


End file.
